Scars
by h-hany
Summary: Bilbo has saved the life of Thorin, and his nephews but has been scarred in the process. He has some difficulties coping with the scars on his face and tries to do it by himself. Of course only when he speaks with Thorin, he comes to terms with it. This is my first fanfic ever, so please be kind. Also, feel free to point out any spelling mistakes or typos.
Every time I saw my reflection anywhere, I saw the scars. They reminded me of the day I almost lost everything. Even though I managed to keep my friends alive and even stay alive myself, I feel like I lost so much. While in the Shire I would be a pariah because of these scars, the dwarrow I'm now surrounded by tell me that the scars I carry prove that I have strength and I have brought honor to my family. While I knew this to be true, I still could not see the beauty hiding behind my mangled face.

Now don't get me wrong, I was glad to have those scars. For if I hadn't stepped between Thorin and that blade that made these ugly scars, he would not be alive. I just could not fathom how he could ever look at my face and see the hobbit he used to see. If I couldn't see past the scars, how could he? I couldn't not see him but at the same time I didn't want him to see me like this, so I only went to see him at night when he was sleeping. I hadn't even seen any of the company since the battle, too afraid of seeing the pity on their faces. Although I knew it would not be the case, they would write songs about how I protected their king. I just could not face them just yet, I had to get used to my scars first to be comfortable to talk about them.

However, being a hobbit, this self-inflicted isolation has started to take its' toll on me. I had become careless when I left my room. One time one Ori saw me creep out of my room late in the evening and tried to engage me in a conversation. I answered with some grunts and fled as soon as I could. I could see the confusion on his face and I know my isolation was as painful to him as it was to me.

This was also the night I was caught by Thorin when I sneaked into his room.

"Well look who finally shows his face" I froze when I heard his deep voice from the bed. Luckily I had not stepped into the light just yet, so I chose to stay in the shadows so he would not see my face.

"Hey, why are you so far. Come here" he whispered.

"I'd rather stay here"

"Are you so afraid of me?" he asked voice full of sorrow. And before I could say anything he continued. "I do not blame you, I would be afraid of me too if I were you. I understand if you can never forgive me for what happened on the ramparts."

"NO!" I panicked. I saw his face fall. I didn't want him to blame himself.

"I mean...I'm not afraid of you. I know it wasn't you who held me there. It was the sickness, not you" he flinched as I said this.

"Then why are you all the way over there and not next to me"

I mumbled my answer, hoping he would not hear me.

"Could you repeat that?"

"I just...I don't want you to see my face and see what I see every time I see my reflection somewhere. I want your last sight of me to be the way I was before"

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"The...The scars are so ugly. I don't want you to see me and not like what you see anymore" I was holding back the tears now.

"I could never not like what I see when I look at you. I love you"

"How could you look at me and see past the scars when even I can't see past them?"

"Because I've never seen your face when I look at you. I see your heart, your beautiful soul. Why would that suddenly change?"

"Because I'm ugly!" I shout and now the floodgates open and I'm crying hysterically.

"Come here. Let me comfort you" he says, his arms open wide.

"Just promise my you won't look at my face" I get out amidst the sobs.

"I promise"

I walk towards his bed, hands covering my face, afraid he might break his promise. When I finally get to the bed, I lay down next to him and cry into his chest. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear but does not pressure me into showing my face. He knows it would only make me clam up even harder. It is that, more than anything else that makes me lift my face for him to see after my sobs have subsided. He looks at my face like he always has, face full of adoration, maybe even more than before. After he's taken it all in, he speaks.

"You know these scars will fade, they won't be this visible forever. And they make you even more beautiful than you were"

"How?" I ask, not believing what he's saying.

"Because they are a sign of how much you love me. There is no more visible sign than that. You were ready to sacrifice your life so I and my nephews could live. Fili and Kili are alive because of you. You made sure that I would not lose my nephews because of my sickness. I am honored that a creature as pure as you could love someone like me that much. After how I treated you just hours before you still stepped in front of a blade for me. I couldn't ask for more. So if you still love me, I would love for you to stay in Erebor and have you by my side for the rest of our lives. But only if you want to stay, I would not keep you from your home if you want to go back to the Shire"

"Of course I wanna stay! I love you, you silly dwarf. Besides, if I was looked upon before I left with you lot, how do you think I would be seen now. I ran away with thirteen dwarves yelling about adventure! They'd call me mad Baggins or something"

"You know I love you Bilbo Baggins"

"I love you too, Thorin Oakenshield"


End file.
